Searching For Courtship lays out a clear road map for the woman who is single but doesn't want to be and the woman who wants commitment in the form of a long term relationship leading to marriage
Published 1993, Villard/Random House.
Reissued 1996, Athena Institute Press.
According to Dr. Winnifred Cutler, the search for courtship is a dynamic process involving the male pursuit of a woman, who in turn defines his role and sets limits to achieve a loving, physical relationship fulfilling for both partners.
Based on years of research, this book offers practical exercises and real-life examples. Searching for Courtship declares a woman's right to find a suitable and satisfying mate, one who will befriend her, love and respect her, and form a lifetime commitment with her.
Readers of Searching for Courtship will learn:
The book also contains:
Frieda was 38 when she attended a workshop and explored her history with men. As she did, she recognized that her problem centered on principles four and five. When men began to show interest in her, she would typically respond with pretty much whatever they wanted. Her usual experience was to receive a phone call on a Friday afternoon from a new or not so new man who would ask her what she was doing this weekend. And usually the truth was she had no plans.
Then when the man would suggest that they get together, although she felt uneasy about it, she would agree to see him at the last minute. She didn't like this, but didn't know how to change it. Through the exercises that follow, she learned how to communicate what she wanted. More important, she strengthened her capacity for self-control and her dignity by taking command of her calendar. Her life changed dramatically.
An Excerpt from Searching for Courtship:
Why Courtship Will Change Your Life -
The search for courtship is a definite, positive act. Courtship is not a random activity that just happens. Once you decide that you are going to take action to reach for what you want, you first need to prepare yourself. Then you set out on the journey. Like all journeys, the search for courtship will take you to new places, places you may never have been before.
It is important to recognize that people can and, in certain circumstances, do change. I think a leopard can change its spots. A man who learns what you require may be able to rise to your challenge. Consider men you have known who treated some women badly and others well.
Don't buy into the idea that "what you see is what you get." Think of the homely seed that can bloom into a lovely plant with proper tending and nurturing. What you see in a courtship candidate is not what you get. Love changes people. What you see is the raw material before love has been added - if the candidate before you is available.
You can change also, and you will surely need to if you want courtship and if you have not had it before in your experiences with intimacy. You may have to change your attitude, your way of seeing, your way of perceiving.
What Readers Are Saying About Searching For Courtship :
Minnie (TX) "That book , Searching for Courtship, its working! Lots of advice, no nonsense for smart modern women. I am very skeptical about self help books from the bookstore. Bur after reading your book I started to reinvent myself. No more try it, youll like it. I went through time to be by myself like you taught, I decided I wanted to get married. I couldnt keep a relationship after my divorce, I got confused. Lots of offers, lots of dates, short relationships. And then after I studied your book...I found this person at work. We became friends. I put out all the baits; he did the fishing. He asked my daughter for permission to marry me. I just want you to know that I respect your work very much."
Paula (FL) "I am a psychotherapist and find your books on courtship and sexuality very useful. I tell my patients about your books as well as the pheromones....Your work is so relevant to understanding and articulating the mind-body connection for practicing therapists and for their patients. Some years back, I read Searching for Courtship, left my terrible marriage, got a divorce, followed the principles and have enjoyed the years ever since. Your work has been enormously valuable to me personally....Honest to goodness everything fell into place...I began following the principles you describe on integrity, clarity and so forth. Shortly thereafter I met a fellow who was dating several women. I clearly told him that I was not interested in developing a relationship under those circumstances and wished him well. Well, a few months later he called me back...our relationship progressed."
More Readers respond:
"I really enjoyed learning about a scientific approach to courtship."
"The key here was learning how to acquire enough self-respect to demand respect."
"Many good ideas that I am certainly applying, particularly viewing myself as a person of enormous value to be cherished by a husband."
"It was great to discover how many places there are to go to meet men that I never thought of. So many men, so little time."