The relationships that I have built with my two hospice caretakers, “Fred” and “Susie”, are unique connections that I cannot compare to anything I have experienced before, especially due to the strictly remote element of our interactions. Though our phone calls are devoid of any face-to-face contact, I feel that my conversations with Fred and Susie have proved imperative to my learning of a caretaker’s experience throughout hospice and to improving my effective communication skills, even in ways that an in-person discussion may not have provided me. A great conversationalist relies on body language and facial expressions of the other person to further understand their ideas behind the verbal message. Removing this crucial conversational element has forced me to improve my listening skills to a great extent in order to contextualize my caretakers’ thoughts in their truest form, solely utilizing their spoken words. While initially difficult, I have found that this weekly practice of strictly verbal communication has developed my critical thinking, my capacity of understanding others, and my conversational attention span. Skills that when incorporated with visual cues will allow me to listen to my patients and not just hear them.
I am extremely appreciative of both Fred and Susie for taking time out of this very stressful year to help me step in the shoes of caretakers and learn of their experiences with loved ones in hospice. I will further describe in detail my relationship with Fred, a former government official taking care of his mother. From the first call, Fred was extremely excited to speak with me about his physical and emotional struggles while tending to his mother “Lily”. Fred, a man who has lost many connections with his friends and family throughout the years, has devoted the previous 9 years to caring for his mother full time and made the decision to place her on hospice a year ago. Fred loves no one on this Earth more than Lily, who suffers from Alzheimers. The gradual loss of her cognitive ability over the years has left her barely able to communicate with Fred today. Though Fred has accepted the eventual death of his mother, the aspect of this disease that has truly tortured Fred has been losing his mother before she has even died. Though Lily could live for many more months or even years, Fred has described Lily as having lost her personality and soul to the disease already. The woman that raised and loved Fred for 60+ years has all but left, and the remaining pieces of her are almost unrecognizable to him now. Though our upbringings and cultures are very different, Fred’s love for his mother has allowed me to relate to him greatly. Seeing how quickly Alzheimers has taken his mother away from him has given me so much more appreciation for the time that I have spent and will spend with my loved ones. The detail to which we have discussed caring for our families and the pain of loss and mortality has brought tears to my eyes, and though I haven’t once seen Fred’s face on a call, has brought tears to his eyes as well I’m sure.
Though I am an aspiring physician, hospice caretakers such as Fred and Susie have had much more experience dealing with the healthcare system than I have. Thus, I was able to learn much more about the good and bad aspects of many healthcare workers from my conversations with these two. Fred, in particular, has had struggles dealing with doctors who refused to listen to his input on how to treat his mother. They decided to solely rely on their years of medical education to care for Lily instead of also utilizing the knowledge of the man who cares for her everyday. With the communication and listening skills that I have obtained through this volunteer program, as well as the lessons that I have learned from Fred and Susie, I will try to put my ego aside and properly listen to my patients to treat them as best as possible. I now understand that the suffering that hospice caretakers experience can involve numerous factors and go far beyond just that of their loved one’s death. So being able to fully understand my patients’ emotions and thoughts will be a skill just as valuable as the knowledge I will receive in medical school.