Due to the COVID-19 pandemic, I have been talking with patient’s family members and caregivers rather than directly to the patient themselves. Through the Athena program, I have learned much about the role of hospice, the process of death and have been able to reflect on how I personally view death. Before entering this program, death had been a taboo topic that I would rather simply avoid talking about, and I had never truly self-reflected. Through talking with family members and caregivers, I have learned that the process of healing, illness, and death do not occur in a vacuum. It affects all of those around them.
A particular experience that has been very valuable to me is that I have been able to build a relationship with “Tim”. Tim’s mother is unfortunately terminally ill and has been living in an assisted living facility for some time. She entered hospice very soon before the start of the pandemic. The decision to enter hospice and only pursue comfort care is not a decision one makes lightly. When someone elects to enter hospice, often those around them can feel like they have failed or given up.
Before the pandemic, Tim would visit his mom every day and check in on her mental and physical wellbeing. This type of individualized family advocacy is something that has been lost due to the pandemic. The only type of visitation that has been allowed for family members has been window visits where the family member and the patient can talk on the phone while looking at each other through a window. It has been over a year since he has been able to hug his mom, and it has taken a toll on him. Whether it is not leaving his house for fear that when he drops off clothes for his mom, she could get COVID or a restless night of sleep, Tim has been affected by this pandemic. Throughout our conversations, we have discussed how although looking out and advocating for his mom is important, it is necessary to make sure that he is taking care of his own physical and mental wellbeing. Even if Tim had a bad day, like when he learned that his mom had fallen, he always seems happy and hopeful during our talks.
This experience has helped me reflect on the role and goal of physicians and other health care professionals. When I have volunteered in a hospital, I would follow patients through the healing process and encourage them by asking things like, “What are you going to do when you get out of here?”. With hospice, it’s different; the patients and their family members know there is no cure for their alignment. Ultimately, there are times when further invasive procedures or interventions will not help patients, no matter how smart or caring the physician. People’s lives are indeed precious, but death is inevitable and should not be viewed as a failure. Hospice can help provide additional resources for patients, family members, and their caregivers. This experience has taught me that I really enjoy working and learning about elderly patients and inspired me to pursue further opportunities to work with geriatric patients. In the end, I have no idea what Tim nor his mom looks like, but we have been able to build a connection where when inevitably his mom passes, I will be there for him, just a phone call away.