As many of the first prompts noted, death was never an aspect that I had considered when I decided to be a pre-med student freshman year of college. When the opportunity came to become a volunteer in a hospice, I was reluctant to apply: What if a patient brought up death during a visit? How do I even talk to somebody undergoing hospice care? During my first visit with “Gladys”, I was nervous and somewhat doubtful that I could truly make an impact during her end of life care. I had visited just once with Jerry, the first hospice patient who I had visited, and he had opened up to me and my volunteer coordinator about his fear of death. After our first meeting, my volunteer coordinator had decided that he would probably be best served by a fellow veteran volunteer, and so I was reassigned to “Gladys”.
On paper, we had very little in common. She comes from the South, is nearing the end of her life, and is a deeply religious Baptist. During our visits, however, I have felt our relationship blossom. “Gladys” has great stories about growing up in the South with her many siblings, and she enjoys when I can play gospel music for her on my phone or even when I can bring my guitar and sing to her. She’s waiting on a new glasses prescription from her doctor, so I also read to her from the Bible. Given our very different backgrounds and religious beliefs, some of the most helpful training that I’ve received during the Pre-Med Hospice Program is the importance of centering the patient. As a volunteer, my job is to make sure that “Gladys” is as comfortable as she can be, and that means providing her with religious songs and prayers that I don’t necessarily believe in. Even just showing up and being a thoughtful and engaged listener to her stories can help in ways that are deeply meaningful to “Gladys”.
Having the other volunteers at the Pre-Med Hospice Program meetings was helpful in their comradery and willingness to discuss difficult questions surrounding death and hospice care. From them I learned that it is ok to have different views surrounding death and that it is also ok to not be sure what one even thinks about death. There’s no right answer to how one should feel, but it is pivotal to express and process whatever emotions should come up when in a difficult setting like a hospice. My volunteer coordinator “Rebecca” was also especially helpful as someone with extensive experience in hospice settings. When I had a difficult visit with “Gladys” or just needed reassurance, “Rebecca” was a caring person to lean on.
My experience as a hospice volunteer and as a participant in the Pre-Med Hospice Program has been pivotal in reaffirming my desire to enter the medical field. Starting the program, I was unsure if I could really make a difference in the end of life experience of somebody who is dying. One of my visits with “Gladys”, however, was crucial to show me the importance of helping others. “Gladys” had had a particularly hard week and was only faintly responding when I asked her questions. When I played my guitar and sang “Amazing Grace” for her, however, she joined in during the last verse, and I could tell that I had made a real impact for her. If something as simple as showing up and playing a song could change “Gladys”’ day, then I know that caring for patients as a physician will only amplify my efforts.