As “Marie” passionately detailed who had brought her each plant, I took note of the facts she shared about her family. From her daughters to grandsons, she named her loved ones with ease while proudly feeling the growing leaves and speaking on her previous love for gardening. Less than a minute passed before she turned to me with a disheartened look, having suddenly forgotten the names of the grandchildren she had spoken so proudly of just moments before. The memory once vividly present in her mind had escaped her, leaving her downcast. For the rest of the visit, I attempted to revoke the joy she had displayed and attempt to provide a solution for her memory, asking questions from her favorite color to her hobbies. However, I quickly came to realize that she “had long forgotten her favorites” and my role as a hospice volunteer was not to resurface past memories, but create new moments of closeness and truth as the patient’s journey concludes. Although “Marie” slowly lost much of her memory as our visits progressed, her kindness and honesty remained. Through each week, we could discuss the emotional hardship that she associates with her forgetfulness and increased dependency for basic necessities. In these hard conversations, I did not jump to comfort her through false hope. Rather, I listened deeply and validated her emotions. We enjoyed movies, music, and talking with one another as much as the quiet moments of reflection we spent with one another. I am incredibly honored to know “Marie” and be invited in an intimate, meaningful portion of her life.
My engagement with routine prompts, in reflection meetings, and through volunteer efforts have expanded my perspective and skills within hospice care. When speaking with terminally ill patients, I work to not only create space to celebrate progress in treatment, but also honesty and vulnerability in acceptance. In difficult conversations, I foster an environment that centers people at the core of their healthcare, rather than their disease, to avoid unnecessary suffering. I am immensely grateful to partake in this prestigious program that allows me to positively contribute to my patients’ lives. These ideals are immensely important for a medical school candidate in that I have adopted the necessary experience in active listening, communication, and professional skills to succeed in emotionally difficult environments.
My interaction with my peers and hospice patients has not only helped me grow personally and professionally, but furthered my passion for the field of medicine. Previous to my volunteer work, I had a narrow, and unfortunately, ‘typical’ view of death. As pre-med students, we endeavor to discover antidotes to death, disease, and illness. In the eyes of many physicians, the most difficult news one can share is that of a patient’s passing. However, our last prompt emphasized one great detail of medicine that I have come to understand throughout this program: “…the notion that fighting death at all costs wasn’t the sole purpose of medicine.” My time in hospice has driven me to pursue a career in medicine that emphasizes patient autonomy, from continuing treatments to educating on hospice options. The idea of a ‘Good Death’ and the biological effects of grief will always remain with me as I move on in my career as a medical student.