I wanted to share with you one of the most important experiences I had at hospice this year. I was visiting Sarah, who let me know that she anticipated this would be our last visit. I asked how she was feeling about that, and she told me that she felt it was going to be okay. She said she was grateful for the afternoon, because the sun was shining and she had enjoyed her lunch and a phone call from her son earlier. She was happy to talk to me. Our conversation was brief, but I took so much away from that encounter, especially when I learned that she had died the following week.
When I went back to college that day, I tried to hold her simple vision of gratitude for the small daily things that gave her pleasure and made life worthwhile for her. I was grateful that she had in a way, taken care of me, to prepare me that it might be our last visit. Now I try to hold her wisdom closely as I move through my day, in the comfort of my family home where I feel fortunate to feel the caring of my family nearby as we all weather the Covid crisis together. I try to hold onto the perspective of enjoying the small daily pleasures and to feeling grateful for the present day. I feel that if Sarah could do this in her last week, I can do this in my life now.
Regarding medical school preparation, I don’t think there could be much better preparation than a hospice experience. I have learned so much about what people value in life, including at the end of life, and that care rather than cure is always possible. I am learning to stay in the present rather than to worry about the future which I feel is a great skill to manage the stresses of a medical career. I also have learned a great deal about team work and the value of multidisciplinary perspectives to optimize well-being in health care. These are extremely valuable experiences both to observe and be part of in a clinical setting. At hospice, the goal is always the well-being of the patient, and I have learned so much about how to listen rather than make assumptions about what matters to people. I am grateful to have had the opportunity to learn this first hand at hospice, and I feel it is extremely valuable preparation for a career in medicine.
Through my hospice experience, I have grown in many ways, including that I am much more comfortable listening to and working with people at the end of life. Death and the end of life are experiences that I had not directly experienced with others before hospice, and I am much less fearful now of talking about death and thinking about what matters to people with terminal illnesses. I feel my listening skills are much improved, and I am more able to stay in the present moment in my own life, and when I am listening to others. I feel I am more grateful for my own life on a day to day basis. At college I co-lead the Princeton Perspective Project to help support students manage expectations and disappointments by developing mindfulness skills and healthier perspectives. During the Covid crisis, we are using this forum to reach out to other students and to share support for mental health and perspective-taking. Hospice has given me more confidence to do this work, and has helped me know that even small imperfect acts of support can matter a lot to people.