Volunteering in hospice has given me a perspective on the relationship between death and life’s value that I didn’t think existed previously. I once heard a story about a tulip and an old rose: The tulip sees the rose wilting and the sight of that makes the feeling of the sunlight on the tulip’s petals feel that much warmer. Working with patients who are at the end of their lives has made me feel like that tulip. I find that I’ve become more patient with friends and family, more open with the people I’m close to, and more welcoming to people I don’t know well since I started volunteering.
Everyone is aware – at least vaguely – that they’re going to die at some point, but for the most part, it’s just a thought in the back of our minds. We don’t actively seek out situations that make us aware of it. If anything, we as humans tend to try to avoid those situations, lest we be faced with the reminder of our own mortality. However, being in an environment where you’re forced not only to confront this reminder, but also to remain positive, and to make those situations bright, comforting, and positive rather than negative, creates a unique opportunity for us to grow as humans.
I’m sure every volunteer can tell a story or two from their patient’s past by heart because of how many times they’ve heard it, and while at times that may seem monotonous, it’s a chance to bask in the sunlight. Sitting down with my patient week to week and hearing the same three stories in what seems, at times, like an endless cycle makes me wonder what I’ll remember when I’m at that stage of my life. What memories will be that important to me that I’ll be able to recall every little detail about those days and emotions? Why will it be those memories? Is it something about the weather that day, the clothes my friends are wearing, the food I’m eating, or something else entirely? How can I make each day feel like those memories to my patient, and what can I do in this moment to get the most out of this interaction to try to make it one of those special memories? It’s not so much about planning every step that you take in life, but more about realizing how your foot feels once it’s on the ground and trying to understand why it feels that way.
Finally, I don’t believe that death itself diminishes the value of life, but rather that a vague awareness of it can add value to life in the right context. You shouldn’t go through life with death constantly on your mind – that’s morbid to say the least. You also shouldn’t try to go through life without any exposure to death. It is a reality we all face in life, and at times can serve to unite us. Life should be approached one step at a time, and we should do what we can to make the most of each step.