From my very first visit with Sally and Mark in the hospice facility last October, the married couple has never not made me smile. Sally was a stay-at-home mom, who raised not only her children with Mark, but also her nieces and nephews whose parents passed away when they were young. Despite her dementia, her face lit up every time I mentioned her children or brought out their family photo album. Each visit we would chat about our love of food, and she and Mark would bicker about whose dinner was best. Sally won each time, because she would remind him of her experience as a waitress at a diner where she got some of her favorite recipes. We bonded over our love of art, and one of my favorite memories was when I brought my painting and some art supplies to share with her, and we drew together in peaceful silence.
At the beginning of my time visiting Sally and Mark, I didn’t feel like my short, weekly visits would make an impact. I thought to myself: It’s not like I’m a nurse or doctor, so how much could I really be helping? But how wrong I was! Even when my patients were busy or tired and we only spent a few minutes together, I could tell that our interactions put them (and me!) in a better mood. Until my hospice experience, I did not fully appreciate the cathartic effect that simply asking someone about their day can have. Chatting about the things in life that are important to us can be tremendously healing. Throughout my future medical career, I know that I will remember Sally and Mark and the important lessons they taught me: Take a moment to focus on what brings you joy and share happy memories from your past with those around you.
My experience with Sally and Mark has better prepared me for my future career in medicine. Atul Gawande focuses on how the salience of death is unnerving, and how talking about death or dying with a patient can be difficult and uncomfortable for both parties. Although we never spoke specifically about death, dying, or mortality, I have become more comfortable with these subjects through my time as a hospice volunteer by interacting with people at the end of their lives. I have honed skills like making patients more at ease and willing to open up, which will translate significantly to my medical career. The ability to make patients who are not feeling well laugh or engage in conversation is not always easy, but I believe it’s more important than we realize. I hope that I will continue to develop meaningful and healing relationships with my future patients, just as I have enjoyed doing with Sally and Mark.