My most meaningful hospice relationship was with a 50 year-old patient named Tom. On the day I visited Tom, it was his 50th birthday and he had balloons and cards from family visits earlier in the day. After introducing myself, Tom’s first response was mentioning that today was his birthday and that he was spending it in a hospital. I noticed Tom received a Virginia Tech football blanket for his birthday and we connected over our shared interests in sports. But throughout our discussions, the conversation steered towards his health issues. Tom mentioned that through the past year, he visited doctor after doctor, but now he sees no more doctors. Tom continued to describe his struggles through the year from quitting his job to selling his house and car. He mentioned that he was moving in with his parents in the next couple of days and they would be taking care of him as his condition deteriorated. At the end of his description, he put the blame of his losses on ‘one too many cheeseburgers’, suggesting his lifestyle choices were to blame for his diminished health.
Tom’s story resonated with me since he was having a hard time letting go of all his achievements and accomplishments through his life and accepting his situation. His descriptions and open personality helped me understand his struggles through the year and the difficult nature of acceptance. It made me realize the vulnerability that comes when all the accomplishments you have worked for and all the things you value in life are gone. Since Tom was the same age as my parents, our conversation made me realize that I could have a parent in Tom’s situation. It made me realize my own family members could someday experience diminished health and have to go through the struggles of acceptance as Tom was experiencing.
Through interactions with Tom and other hospice patients, I have learned to communicate with people about difficult topics such as death and dying, and how to response when patient shares a struggle or vulnerability. I have learned to understand someone’s struggles through conversation and that I may never fully understand a patient’s feelings regarding death. I have learned that silence is okay and that not all statements require a response. I have learned that the process of death does not have to be negative. It is possible to a have a meaningful and beautiful death. I have learned that conversation and self-reflection may help patients deal with the difficulties of acceptance of dying.
Medicine by definition is supposed to help and benefit a patient’s health, but through my hospice work I have learned that medicine has its boundaries. I have also learned how difficult it may be for a patient to accept the boundaries of medical treatments. If medicine and getting better is overly prioritized in caring for a patient, this may not benefit a patient and may delay the process of acceptance of death and dying. I have learned that achieving well-being may not involve trying more treatments, but may involve self-reflection and self-acceptance.