Donna and Joey met in high school at the diner where Donna worked. Joey often recounts the delicious milkshakes and burgers they shared. They have been together since they met and never left their hometown, except for when Joey served in the navy during World War II. Their small hospice room is filled with medals and honors for his service. Donna often reminds us visitors that Joey served in the navy and even met the queen. We always thank him for his service. Their passion for their hometown is fortified by the location of their hospice facility, which is a short drive away from the place they originally met.
Donna and Joey have a deep love for each other, which was evident after my very first visit to their room in hospice. When I asked Donna a question, Joey liked to answer. If I asked Joey a question, Donna would respond. They are proud of their marriage, and proud of each other. However, their love extends beyond their marriage and has touched many people in their local community. While they have no children of their own, they raised their nieces and nephews, whose parents died soon after they were born. Through stories like these, I realized that Donna and Joey have an obvious desire to care for others. This level of devotion inspired me to give equal care to them. Quality care meant visiting them, asking questions, telling stories, and above all, listening with an open mind.
Donna has dementia, and both Donna and Joey are too physically weak to leave their room much. Over the course of my visits, I learned how much they value our conversation. My questions would often open a doorway into a memory they had not visited in a while. One of my favorite moments was around the holidays, when I asked them what their favorite traditions were. Donna burst into a beautiful Christmas carol—she sang the entire song, almost transporting us back in time, and it was clear how special her memories of the holidays were. I also learned that she is a wonderful singer!
Beyond learning about their lives, my visits also taught me about the course of death. With each visit, Donna and Joey seemed weaker. My visits grew shorter as they began to fall asleep after a conversation or two. Their bodies grew frail, and they stopped getting out of bed. However, watching this process was rather peaceful. As the couple had expressed, they were partners for life. They had lived this wonderful, fulfilling life. Though Donna has dementia, she can still recollect vivid memories. They want to spend their last days together peacefully.
Visiting them has taught me how powerful a conversation can be. It has also taught me the importance of hospice care. Looking ahead to medical school and a future career as a physician, I will remember and translate these lessons from my hospice experience. First, a conversation with a patient can have a great impact. It is essential to listen to and learn about a patient’s values, perspectives, and stories in order to best serve them and create a trusting relationship. Second, death is not an abnormal, scary event. Rather, it can be a peaceful and transformative experience. Death is a part of life. It can be an opportunity to reflect and cherish relationships and memories. I hope that Donna and Joey continue to cherish their last moments together. I personally will always remember the intimate stories and moments that we shared.