Volunteering at a hospice has taught me a great deal about death and dying. Before, death was always a rather taboo subject. I did not want to think about it. Even though death and dying is inevitable for everyone, I took the approach that if I did not think about it, it cannot be true. As a young, healthy twenty-one year old, I sometimes feel indestructible. Death cannot touch me. Over the past couple months of volunteering however, my mind frame has changed.
One of my most memorable experiences at the hospice happened late afternoon when the patients were waiting for dinner. I went to sit in the room of a patient who seemed to be dozing off. She told me that the medication she was on made her drowsy but that she was trying really hard to stay awake because she slept through lunch and did not want to sleep through dinner. I took that as the perfect opportunity to strike up a conversation with her. Once I got her talking, she kept going a mile a minute! She told me how she used to be a labor and delivery nurse and how she raised four boys on her own. I thought I was there to give her company, but really I got life lessons from a woman who has lived a very successful life. She told me that if I am ever having trouble making a decision about something, to try to trim down the dilemma to five words. Once you are only looking at the five words, the decision seems much clearer because the five words should end up being the most important factors of the decision. She also advised me on how to raise a family while also being a woman who is dedicated to her profession, which is an issue I will have to deal with in the future. She also gave me wisdom on dying. She said, “If you truly love your profession, it is not work and you will find a way to do both. Doing what is best for you will be what is best for the children.” She told me that if you have lived your life to the fullest, then dying is not a bad thing. You have effectively spent your time here on earth and now it is the time to see what is next. If you live with no regrets, there is no reason to be afraid to die.
This hospice work has affected my sense of vocation. Before, I hated how helpless I felt in death and dying situations, so much so that I changed my career path to something that offers solutions to illness. I want to work to prevent or cure illness in any way possible. My goal is to help people, not sit back and watch illness take its toll. As a doctor, I want to be the one people turn to when they fear their health is in danger. I want that responsibility, and the joy found in rendering care, even if in some circumstances there will be no to little medical care to provide to those in hospice. I want the challenge of a career in medicine, and I want the excitement of being a provider in a field that is constantly growing and improving. I believe that cures are always in development and I want to help offer solutions.