Undoubtedly, there is a general fear and discomfort surrounding death. People are quick to ask why I would ever want to volunteer to visit hospice patients instead of choosing something more uplifting.
The answer is simple: The patients I’ve met are more than diagnoses and life expectancy calculations. My experience with hospice has taught me that empathy is a clinical skill practiced through active listening with compassion.
In medical school, we’re taught to focus on diseases and treatments, but through hospice care, I learned that it’s just as important to create a space for a dignified death as it is to ensure that someone has a healthy quality of life.
In fact, the medical profession needs advancement in its understanding of and attitudes toward death. Physicians typically struggle in communicating with dying patients and their families. I’m grateful to have an experience that’s taught me how to have these difficult, but necessary conversations.
Death is often associated with medical failure, implying that physicians have nothing to offer a dying patient and family. However, good communication can help calm fears, minimize suffering, and permit patients and their families to experience a “peaceful death.”
Hospice care is about valuing what is most important in life—and making every single moment count. With that said, here are some important life lessons that a specific hospice patient taught me:
1) Communication is crucial
Don’t let the fear of being shy hold you back from developing meaningful interactions. Remind your loved ones that you care about them and tell your friends how much you appreciate them while you can.
2) Assert yourself when you can
If there’s something you’ve always wanted to say, then let it out. If you know a mistake has been made, speak up. If you’re sorry about something, share it. Most importantly, if someone is unable to do so for him or herself, advocate for that person. Life is too short to sit quietly.
3) Know that tough times get easier and you will come out stronger
Sometimes, life isn’t on your side and you’re thrown multiple curveballs at once whether that be professionally, emotionally, or physically. It will pass and you’ll come out stronger.
4) Don’t take “little things” for granted
Singing in the shower or seeing the sunset are just a couple of these “little things.” The simple aspects of life often go unappreciated. No one is guaranteed a tomorrow; embrace and be thankful for this life.
5) Smile more while you still have teeth
A simple smile can turn a person’s entire day around, even if it’s from a stranger. You won’t always have happy days, but if you can find even one thing to make someone else smile each day, you’ve extended warmth into the world without even realizing it.
Working in hospice has been the most fulfilling and rewarding experience of my life so far. I’ve seen my hospice patient’s eyes light up when she shows me how to crochet or play her favorite card game.
I know I will take what I’ve learned from hospice care and apply it to be a physician who embodies compassion, humility, and empathy. Providing care for a dying patient is challenging, but to help someone die in comfort, peace, and with respect to their choice is to give one final gift of life.
Someday, I hope to shake the hands of a hospice patient, not as a young woman unsure of how to handle conversations about death, but as a confident, learned, and caring individual in a white coat, extending a hand to help, a heart to understand, and an ear to truly listen.