In the U.S., people are constantly working and moving, never stopping to accept that one day they will slow down drastically as they approach the end of their life. Overall, I think my single hospice experience has taught me to live how I want and to slow down and appreciate the small moments I have before it is too late.
I have only had one patient during my experience but seeing that one patient has altered my way of thinking dramatically. Throughout our time together, I learned to be patient and to be comfortable during challenging moments. I learned not to react in a certain manner regarding negative emotions but to sit instead and experience hard times with my patient. I got to learn more about the patient every time I visited, and I got to meet members of their family and learn through them as well. I observed how the patient interacted with staff and family and other residents and learned how to appropriately read the patient’s mood during each visit. We could easily relate considering our common background growing up in Pennsylvania and experiencing early childhood trauma. This experience brought us closer with each visit and enabled me to connect with someone at a completely different stage in their life and understand their emotions despite our differences. Whether it was sitting in silence and holding the patient’s hand or discussing our favorite Pennsylvania Dutch foods, the patient and I grew to understand one another more with each encounter.
Overall, this experience has been one of the most valuable in my life and I will carry what I have learned forward. Most of all, I have come to recognize the value of family and the ability to experience challenging moments without trying to fight or dispel negative emotions. When I support someone having a difficult experience now, I sit with them and offer support and understanding rather than trying to offer solutions or minimize their experience. I have also learned to acknowledge the gravity of a situation rather than avoiding it or minimizing it, because such is all too common in American culture. Furthermore, I have learned the value of knowing oneself and being able to challenge one’s own behavioral patterns to become a more well-rounded individual. Once more, I believe knowing oneself is a major skill to have but it is one that is incredibly overlooked in our fast-paced world because people can get by well enough their whole lives without ever stopping to know themselves. I think this skill is of utmost importance because it can help people overcome extremely challenging experiences and do the difficult work it takes to change as a person. The patient displayed extreme distress whenever I had to leave the visit or when family had to leave. Though the situation certainly makes for a lonely experience, to me this response exhibits a sign of unaddressed trauma that led to the development of an anxious attachment style, which would certainly make living in a nursing home a challenging experience. Overall, I will leave this experience with ample knowledge but the most important to me is that I will continue to understand myself because I believe that is the key to truly living.