Walking into the memory care residence for the first time, I did not know what to expect. I was nervous that I might not be emotionally strong enough to support someone in end-of-life care. As a hospice volunteer, you are involved in a very personal and vulnerable stage of a patient’s life. Through this experience, I began to better understand the importance of preserving a patient’s dignity and being fully present in their care.
One of my most meaningful relationships I formed during my hospice experience was with a patient named “Mrs. H,” who challenged my initial view of a sick elderly patient. Upon our first introduction, an aid prefaced our meeting by saying “careful she’s a hitter.” During the first few visits, “Mrs. H” seemed uninterested and sometimes annoyed with my presence. Sitting in forty minutes of traffic to reach the facility in the middle of my busy school week began to feel frustrating when the person I came to visit did not seem to want me there. This made me realize that I had assumed my company would be automatically wanted and appreciated.
Over the course of the year and the changing of the seasons, she warmed up to my presence, and I learned what aspects of my company that she enjoyed. “Mrs. H” did not like being directly involved in the conversation but enjoyed listening to me and my fellow volunteer talk about our lives. Eventually during our visits and conversations I would look over and see “Mrs. H” having a look of content on her face. Seeing the gradual change in her demeanor made me realize how meaningful intentional company can be for patients.
The biggest thing that changed within me was the willingness to truly do something for another person without expecting anything in return. The commute and volunteering often took two hours- most of that spent sitting in traffic. One of my patients forgot who I was each visit and sometimes did not want to talk to me. I am very busy with other aspect of my life which made it difficult to justify sitting in silence and watching family feud with someone who doesn’t particularly want me there. However, the weeks when I realized I was one of their only visitors is when I most appreciated giving my time. When my patient would tell me to get home safe, or that they will see me around in Pittsburgh, are small moments that remind my why simply showing up matters.
Company and companionship are just as important to us as humans as other advancements in medical care. Therefore, as my knowledge of medicine continues to grow, I hope to remember the basics of caring for a person, and that sometimes just sitting beside someone and helping them adjust their glasses may be the most helpful thing for them in that moment.
I think these experiences have taught me the importance of treating the person, not just the condition. The caregivers at the living facility sometimes overlooked small details that affected the dignity of the patient. Making sure they are properly dressed, have clean glasses, or have tissues if they have a runny nose may seem minor but these details help preserve a patient’s sense of identity and dignity, especially during the final stages of life, and I am honored to be allowed to be present.