Throughout the Athena Hospice Program I have been able to learn the intricacies of care taking, how to cope with death, and how to support someone who has experienced a large loss in their life. Since I started the program I was excited for what was to come and what I would learn from this program. Everyone that I have spoken to has met me with open arms and allowed for me to learn so much even if they were going through tough times. I learned that the most people want is someone to listen to how they are feeling and to resonate with them during the hard times. At times, even just cracking a joke to lighten the mood is something that they needed and honestly I would need too.
When first starting the program you are terrified by what may happen and what you may be asked to talk about. As a college student there aren’t many instances where you would speak about death and most students, including myself, am terrified too. Not to mention the fact that this is someone that is on the phone, however many miles away, and you know absolutely nothing about them. When you make that first call you have no idea who is on the other line but all you know is that you need to be ready for what is to come. We have been prepared and trained but I felt like even then I just had to jump in, to experience it.
My first call was nerve racking as I was told that this man was stubborn and grumpy at times. That I would have to really try to pry conversation out of him, or that he might not want to talk to me. So I call. He answers with hesitance and I try to greet him with an uplifting voice hoping he doesn’t hear the nervousness in my voice. We continue talking about different things like my school, what he did on his days at home, and what his life was like. I found it so interesting that even though this man was grumpy at times, and in a hospice program, that I was able to find that little light in him. We were able to connect on german shepherds as he had one and he told me how much he loved them. In the end, we talked a couple more times however, he said that he did not want to talk anymore, and I respected that.
Another relationship that I am currently growing with is a bereavement call. This has been one of the most impactful ones in the program. It has been a hard year for this patient as COVID has really hit her family hard. She lost her mother and mother in law, in a month’s time. It made me think about my own family and that I could not imagine how strong she must be to go through something like this. Death is inevitable, but to hit someone this hard, I cannot imagine. I was able to talk to her about going to Puerto Rico as she loved it when she was there and I go every year. I think that the more that you talk to random people, the easier it gets as you learn that there are so many different ways that you can connect with anyone.
This program has really solidified my journey to become a physician. I have been able to reflect throughout this process and really ask myself if this would be something that I would want to do for the rest of my life. The answer is yes. I have also been able to grow and use the skills that I learned in this program in my personal life, as this semester has been hard for my roommates. In the past year, two of my roommates have lost their Dad’s and being in this program has allowed me to apply the conversational skills that I have learned about death. With this, I think that it has allowed me to become a better roommate and simply be there for them in these tough times. Overall, I have learned that the most that someone needs while coping with death is someone to be there and make sure that they are known and loved. That is all that we can do as students, family, friends, or in a physician’s case, the best thing that they can do. Empathy is the truth and key to helping others.