When reflecting on my time as a hospice volunteer, it’s impossible not to think of the time that I spend with my first patient, “R.” I first met R in September of 2023. Initially, after I was told that her diagnosis was Alzheimer’s Disease, I was nervous to begin meeting with her. I had never interacted with a patient with Alzheimer’s before, and I was nervous that I wouldn’t know what to say, what to do, or how to communicate with her. We were introduced at my first visit, and, as expected, I wasn’t sure how to interact with her. At first, we just sat together and watched a movie with her occasionally saying things and me trying to respond in any way I knew how. As the visit went on I began to figure out what worked for her, and we were able to have a short conversation before I left. I knew that I would be able to form a relationship with her as our time together went on, and I was very excited for our future visits.
Throughout the five months we spent together, our relationship grew much stronger. She was able to tell me a bit about her family, her work, and her life before Alzheimer’s through broken stories. I learned a lot about her past, including where she’s from, what she did for work, and some information about her children. In addition to the conversations we had about all of that, we were also able to have conversations about other things as well. Something interesting I found through our time together was that even though I couldn’t always completely understand what she was saying, I could always sense how she felt about what she was saying. After I figured out how she was feeling about a certain topic, I was able respond in a way that matched how she was feeling. If she was happy, we smiled and laughed together. If she was sad or frustrated, we felt that together. Even though I often didn’t know what exactly she was talking about, being a person who was able to listen to her and relate to her was something that was extremely important to me.
As I began to visit more, we started to form a stronger relationship, but as time went on, she began to decline. It was quite difficult to watch someone who I had grown to deeply care for start to decline more rapidly. The tone of the visits began to change, as she began spending most of our time sleeping. If she wasn’t asleep, she would appear uncomfortable and restless in other ways. During my last visit with her, her family was there, and she was in her final stages of life. I was able to talk to her family and learn more about her life as well as say my goodbyes. This visit was by far the most difficult I have had, but the knowledge that I have gained through this program about the dying and grief processes served me very well. She passed away the next day.
My visits with R were one of my favorite parts of my week. Though the end of her life was very difficult to come to terms with as a volunteer, I have no regrets about the time that we spent together. Visiting with her taught me invaluable lessons in patience, kindness, and empathy that I will take with me through my future career in the medical field and through the rest of my life.