The time that I have spent volunteering with this program has changed my perspective on both life and death in so many ways. From the conversations I’ve had with my peers at our reflection meetings to the time I spent visiting my patients, I have learned so much about how the people around me view death and it has been truly eye-opening. This experience has forced me to broaden my perspective on what it means to die and what a good death looks like. I’ve learned that a good death to some means one that is painless and one that maximizes time spent with family. To others, a good death is one that emphasizes having fought till the very end and one that comes with a sense of heroic optimism despite challenges. But most of all, I’ve learned that death is a part of life. It is not something that we can avoid no matter how hard we try. I’ve learned that death is the reason our lives have meaning. The concept of limited time and of limited opportunity is what makes our experiences and the choices we make special. In fact, when I think back on this experience, “choice” is what stands out to me the most.
A meaningful relationship that I formed through my visits was with a patient, Teddy. Teddy was very much into talking about politics and things going on in the world. He always had interesting takes on things and I enjoyed my visits with him because I was glad to be able to share with him new tidbits of information about a topic. Teddy had an issue with this heart that was treatable with surgery, but I had learned that he was too afraid that he would die on the table and refused surgery. He then changed his mind, and while I was happy to hear this, it made me stop and think. Did I have a right to feel anything about his decision? Though I and his doctors had an idea about what the right choice should be, wasn’t his death and his life in his hands? To die on a table or in the warmth of his bed, I’m sure this was the situation he weighed in his mind and it honestly weighed on my mind then and still does now. Personally, I’ve come to the decision that in matters of life and death, there are no right answers. Everyone should be free to choose what they would like their last moments to look like and whatever decision they make is the right one for them.
The value of this experience has been the effect that it has had on my perspective on my role as a future physician. If I were to describe the value of this program for a medical school application, I would say that this program has taught me that the goal of a physician is not to defy death but to help their patients achieve their healthiest potential. I would say that it has taught me that though science and medicine have allowed us to extend our lives, it is important to recognize that a good life isn’t necessarily a long life. Lastly, I would say that the experience has showed me the side of doctors that most people don’t think about—advocates for patient needs in life and in death, advisors in patients’ most vulnerable and devastating moments. This experience has made me even determined to be the kind of physician who helps people find peace even in the most confusing times.