When I first applied and began my volunteer experience with the volunteer hospice program through Swarthmore, I admit that I thought of it as a resume booster. It was just something that I had to do if I wanted to get into medical school eventually. I never thought that it would be something I genuinely learned from or would appreciate looking back on. I found this to be very untrue though.
My first few experiences visiting my patient were rough. I felt that I was doing nothing, mostly because she slept the entire time, every time that I was there. How could I be having an influence on her when they weren’t even awake? I felt like I was constantly asking myself if it was worth my time to be there when they didn’t even notice. After hearing other students with the same issue at the reflection sessions, we talked and realized that it was merely our presence that mattered. That is one thing that has stuck with me through this experience; presence matters.
Through this volunteer experience, I have been given a lot of chances to think about how these are things that I will have to go through eventually with my medical career. I will have to face death and dying in many situations. In some ways, I feel that this experience has prepared me well for it, better than pre-medical students who have no experience with death. I believe that it is vital to have some exposure to it so that they can take time now and comprehend their own feelings and thoughts to death in their own time without being rushed through this process while in medical school. While I didn’t personally lose my patient during the year, I know others in my group have. I heard about how they struggled with it and I worried about how I would feel when it happened to one of my patients. I currently am also in an EMT course, nearing graduation, and I frequently think about the fact that I will be seeing death quite frequently unfortunately. I have learned through this program and my reflection group meetings that it is normal to feel this way and that it just takes time.
Personally, I have had experience with death in my own family. My dad died about five years ago suddenly. I have struggled with how I felt about this since it happened. Death is not something that is easy to understand or to sort out your feelings and thoughts about it. I honestly pretended for a long time that death was just temporary, that it doesn’t mean they are gone forever. I really have had to come to terms with my own feelings. I think I really progressed through this experience the past year both in my personal life and storing knowledge for my future professional life.
Overall, I have truly learned a lot through my hospice volunteer experience. The reflection meetings really tied the whole experience together and encouraged us all to talk about what we were feeling, which is important.