Death and dying have always been difficult concepts for me to reflect on and talk about. I remember my first experience losing someone from my church as a young girl. This moment scarred me as I realized I wouldn’t see this person again and how she would not be the only person I’d lose. When I was informed about volunteering with Grane Hospice, I saw it as an opportunity for my personal and professional growth. I desired to see death differently. So, I decided to take that leap and I am so thankful I did. Through this experience, I’ve learned how there is nothing wrong with being scared about death as I’ve noticed most of us are, but being connected through our fears can help bring comfort through our journey. I’ve also learned valuable clinical skills, like being observant, adjusting to people’s needs, and focusing on others instead of myself. Finally, I’ve formed valuable relationships with patients and learned from their resilience, reflections, and joys.
My first time volunteering I met three individuals but was only able to connect with one as the other two shortly passed away. I will refer to him as “Gene Autry” since he is a very big fan of the singing cowboy. I have visited him many times now with another volunteer (I’ll call her “Mer”) and I’d say we’re friends, even though I’m not sure if he remembers me. I really enjoy his humor and enthusiasm. He has shown us movies of the singing cowboy which he still remembers and understands. By connecting with “Gene,” I’ve learned to be more clear with my statements and adjust to my environment depending on the patient’s necessities. This has helped me approach patient care with more understanding as I note that individuals are different from me. To provide the best care, I should know the person I’m approaching and make thoughtful decisions with that knowledge.
More recently, I’ve connected with “Cali.” She has lived most of her life in California and not so long ago stopped working to move to Pennsylvania. “Mer,” “Cali,” and I have had multiple wonderful conversations about her life, family, love-life, and even the winter olympics. It shocked me to find out “Cali” had already lost her daughter. It made me really sad to think about everything she’s been through but her resilience in finding the good within the bad inspired me. She dearly loves her grandson and his wife. It was really comforting hearing her talk about them. “Cali” taught me that painful situations do occur but that they don’t have to erase the good moments we have already lived and all the wonderful things we have presently.
Interacting with these patients has also taught me a valuable lesson for patient care. Before, I often found myself interacting with people with a lot of nerves, worried about any word or gesture that could come off incorrectly. My insecurities would prevent me from real connection. However, this experience has taught me that it is not about me. As a volunteer where all I am there to do is be of help and support, I have learned to think about the other person before myself. This thought process also includes my overthinking and social insecurities. I love conversing with patients as it allows me to relate on a deep level.
Ultimately, I am so grateful for this experience as it has taught me practical ways to deeply connect with people while allowing me more comfort when it comes to death and dying. I am so thankful for all the individuals that made this experience possible and checked in with me throughout. I will carry these skills and memories into the rest of my professional and personal life.