One of my most meaningful relationships with a patient was with one I was visiting for about two months before his passing in the beginning of December. He was a businessman all his life, and after my first visit with him, it seemed as though we would have nothing in common. He only really spoke about his work for the entire visit, going very in depth about the technical side of what he used to do, which just does not necessarily align with my interests. However, on my second visit, I asked some different questions about his life, and he surprised me by talking about how he enjoyed participating in the theater in his free time every summer for over a decade. Additionally, that is how he met his wife, who visited him about daily the entirety of the time I was visiting him. From then on, I learned to never make assumptions about or underestimate my patients. Throughout my time with him, I learned about his college days, how proud he is of his daughters, many stories about the theater of course, about his experience with palliative care, as well as his childhood, including his complex relationships with his parents. It is not often that you get to know somebody’s hopes, fears, regrets, and proudest moments in such a short span of time. Not only do I feel I was able to make a positive impact on him, I know he is somebody I will remember and think of fondly for a very long time.
This patient relationship helped me majorly in learning to become more compassionate and open minded towards other people. Volunteering through hospice has also taught me that by listening and showing a genuine interest in other people’s lives I can almost always find commonalities with people that I never expected to. In contrast, I have also experienced what it is like to speak with patients whose personal beliefs and values may differ from mine, while still being able to converse and understand one another. Between living different lives, even just the generational difference between me and my patients, hospice volunteering has helped me to realize how much we can connect with people over our differences as well as with our similarities.
This program helped me connect with people I would have never met otherwise, and especially laid an important foundation of skills going into my future as a physician. Becoming a doctor means being able to have some of the most important and difficult conversations with patients about what they do and do not want out of their end-of-life care, as well as how this care can try to accommodate their priorities and values for their last days, weeks, or months. The Being Mortal documentary highlights this tremendously well by also showing how damaging it can be to a patient and their family if these conversations are delayed for too long. After volunteering with hospice over this academic year, I feel confident in my ability to join the medical field knowing I am capable of tough, emotional conversations with patients. This is while also knowing I can put the patient’s best interests first, even if I would want something different in my personal care if I was in their position. One of my largest takeaways from this program has been that no matter who somebody is, it is possible to connect with just about anybody and begin to understand who they are through compassion, kindness, and a willingness to just listen.